Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
