Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
