you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
