dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
