I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
