haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
