I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
