um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
