My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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