And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
