Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
