Only a mothe r could love this liver
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
