He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
