shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
