32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
