new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
