Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
