Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
