"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
