as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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