Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
