after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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