Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
