She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
