3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
