I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
