is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
