theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
