11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
