I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
