I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
