Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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