hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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