My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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