I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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