now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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