i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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