It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
