I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
