He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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