I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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