you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
