I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
