Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
