Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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