Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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