Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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