So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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