Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
