So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
