Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
