my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
